People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.
This quote holds some hard truth and it is essential for us to keep remembering this fact. I have had my fair share of people who continuously try to chip at my self-confidence and self-esteem both in a social and work environment. When I was much younger, running my own business at the age of 21 then, I was badly impacted by a bully of a client. He made me feel so insignificant just because he did not want to pay for the services he has been provided for already. (I ran a design and photography studio then). He made me feel small and stupid with his criticisms, and I went back to the office crying.
Over the years, I met more of these sort of bullies and every time something like this happens; it only made me stronger. I didn’t allow myself to cry again apart for the first time it happened. I knew after the first time that the only reason why people bully is that they are weak and they see you as stronger. They believed that to be true, and I had to get myself to feel that too, and I did.
Now what makes this even more interesting is that there is a higher tendency for people you know – people you work with, or are friends with, who have a higher tendency to do this then people who do not know you well. People whom you thought were your friends who lack the self-confidence will keep trying to chip at yours. Because they are threatened by you.
Up to this day, I am still sieving people out of my life. People who do not make a difference in my life, and who only contribute to more negativity in my day, are people I do not want to spend time with.
Now, we may think, perhaps only good friends are willing to give us feedback, whereas strangers do not. I agree with this. But there is a difference in offering input versus criticising. Some friends we have, have open permission from us to give us direct feedback, because of the nature of our relationship and we trust the person to provide us with construction feedback without tearing us down. I have a hand full of such friends, whom I believe and treasure and appreciate their thoughts.
On the other hand, there are some ‘friends’ who fear that you will be better than them, try to tear you down first before you succeed because they feel insecure in their position. They give you ‘feedback’ without your permission, without having a two-way conversation, they are just there with their ammunition to tear you down, and they do not even know your perspective or where you are coming from. The lack of compassion and understanding is what sets this type of bullying apart from the real, authentic, constructive feedback you will get from people you love. You will know it and feel it, in your heart. Trust that.
The world that we live in, can be cruel. And most of the time, it is not anyone’s fault. People are insecure because of a whole array of reasons, and sometimes it even stems from childhood. However, it does not mean that we stand by and allow others to chop us down into bits. We need to know when to move away and make more room for positive things and energy in our lives.
While others attack us, we should not participate in the attack as well. Stand up tall and strong and know that you are stronger than them and this is why this is happening. Feel your strength from deep within your heart and allow that to surface to engulf you in love, light and spirit.
© 2017 Shamala Tan
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.
One of her success stories as an author is to be featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.
Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find greater meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.